Desired Emotions
by wingdesire
Summary: "We should..stop.." "Alright...we're done for now, brat."
1. Chapter 1

**Hello,guys. Hope you like this Ereri (or Rivere? I really don't care who tops). Pretty odd that I wrote it, considering I don't ship the two. Well, I like reading fics of things I don't ship, so hey. It's 1:20 am over here and I did not beta this. Sorry for grammatical errors. Hope you like! Now to get to bed...**

* * *

Levi looked back, a mixture of longing and regret in his cobalt eyes. Eren slept soundly on the bed, his mouth hanging open slightly. He really did look cute, with his full, dark lashes and rosy cheeks. Levi had to resist the urge to kiss him. He was just so damn adorable.

Eren shifted, muttering something incoherent, and the Corporal froze, the teen's peaceful expression sending daggers through his heart. Did he know how easily the boy affected him? Of course not. The brat would never know.

_Its better this way. No attachments, remember?_

_Damn it to hell. I can't do this._

_I…._

_still…_

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Levi stood up,eyebrows scrunching slightly. A soft moan coming from the edge of the bed brought him out of his thoughts.

_Shit._ It seemed like Eren had woken up, and none to gently by the sound of it. Without a second glance at the dazed teen, he dashed out of the room.

Mmmm..

What's happening?

Levi…

Levi.

Eren blinked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. What was the dream again? He forgot… ah!

cobalt eyes bored into him, laced with regret. Why was he looking at him like that? Did he do something wrong? Levi said he'd punish him later, was that it? Eren thought about last night, and it was far from punishing. But…. there was some emotion holding him back, he could see it swimming in his eyes. And then…. he left suddenly. It was his fault, Eren knew that. His fault for involving him in this mess. After all, soldiers aren't supposed to love.

Heichou.

He could still smell his clean scent on the sheets.

How did this happen? What turned the situation around?

Deep in his cell, Eren shivered. He had been ordered down here, and when, puzzled, he asked what was happening, he was forcibly restrained by the guards. That was three days ago. No food, just water. A bed made of straw. These were the conditions in which he endured. Dully, he wondered where Corporal went. Eren saw him, as he was being taken away. A flash of pity in his stone eyes...and then, anger?

It's probably me he's angry at. After all, I acted like that…

* * *

**_The night before_**

"Heichou?" He had come in unexpectedly. One minute, Eren had been sitting on the bed, wondering about human existence, the next, he had come in. He closed the door silently, an unfathomable look on his face. A strange glint in once expressionless eyes-lust? It couldn't be… who would lust after him, a freak, a monster? Inadvertently, the boy backed away, his mind screaming, Levi slowly moving in. Closer. Closer.

_What is he doing?!_

Eren could now feel Levi's hot breath tickling his shoulder. It seemed he was in a daze, muttering feverishly.

_He must be sick… that would explain his weird actions._

He gasped suddenly, feeling the soft,cool lips of his superior on his shoulder. All thoughts left his brain as Levi started to brush his lips back and forth against his skin. A quiet moan escaped him as the elder bit down gently, licking the slightly irritated mark.

Mmmmmm…. Eren shifted slightly,enjoying the feeling, eyes fluttering. His hand searched for the strong males' chest,closing in when he felt it. Thump. Tha-Thump. There it was. The affirmation. Levi was real, alive. He was here, now. This was really happening.

"Eren?"

"Levi?" Eren said, voice muffled due to the fabric. Reluctantly, he pulled away from Levi, viridescent eyes wide. He had smelled nice, like clean sheets and soap.

"How are you?" Levi questioned, voice unexpectedly gentle. He had pulled away, face directed to Eren.

"Um, sir…" A light pink dusted the younger's cheeks. "To be honest, a little surprised…."

"Oh, really?" An eyebrow raised.

"Y-yes," Eren admitted, eyes downcast. "I thought that before…. it was a one time thing. But," he continued, voice wavering slightly, "That's changed, right?"

"Eren." Levi put a hand on his shoulder, reassuring. Eren flinched slightly, but he ignored that.

"It was never a one time thing. I've always lov-... before, it was complicated. I hope you understand."

"Yes, of course, heichou." Eren looked up, hope welling inside him. Did Levi almost confess to loving him? He didn't,hesitating at the last moment,but still. He almost did.

"Eren, you know there's no need for formalities."

"I know that, I just like calling you that. You're my heichou, after all."

"Don't forget that, brat." His eyes softened though, proof of how much the boy really was affecting him.

"Speaking of," Eren piped up, "Was there something you wanted?"

Levi moved back in, dangerously close. "Oh yes," he huskily whispered in Eren's ear, the younger now crimson. "You know perfectly well what," he finished before moving to capture his lips against the adolescents'.

* * *

"We should..stop.."

Levi, currently nibbling on Eren's ear, turned to look at him, eyebrows furrowing slightly.

"Look, I'm not saying I'm not enjoying this"-clearly true, as Eren was rather audible with his delight in Levi's actions. "But, we really should get some sleep."

"I don't need sleep. All I need is you." Levi had started to move back in, eyes hungrily fixated.

"Look," Eren put a finger to Levi's lips, shushing him, trying to hide the growing blush spreading through his cheeks. "You have bags under your eyes. We wouldn't want humanity's strongest injuring himself due to lack of sleep, would we?"

"No…"

"Then get some rest. You can still stay here."

Levi's eyes brightened a little at that. "Alright...we're done for now... brat" he ended affectionately, before motioning to turn off the lights.

"Night."

"...Night, Corporal."


	2. Between time and space

_Whack._

Eren turned to the side, face stinging. He slowly moved his head back, eyes unfocused. Squinting his eyes, he made out a shape, albeit somewhat blurry. His vision was foggy… all he could tell was this person was of short stature.

Wait…**no**…

he couldn't see right… yes, that must've been it…there was no way…

His thoughts were abruptly cut off by a powerful kick, aimed at his ribs.

Pain exploded in his sides, daggers cutting into him. He doubled over, breath knocked out of him. Eren resisted the urge to throw up, chest aflame. He coughed,wincing slightly when he heard a small crack. He knew that wasn't a good sign, but he ignored it.

Mustering every ounce of strength he had left, the teen raised his head, body shaking all over from the agonizing torture. Blazing sea-green eyes met ash-gray ones. His eyes widened as he let out a small gasp, his injuries forgotten for a moment.

_**No. Nonononono.**__**Why?**_ His mind had quit working properly, ceased all function. All he could do was raise stunned eyes, orbs wide in surprise. Every thought flew out of his head as he stared, green eyes unseeing. He couldn't think, couldn't process the information being reached to his brain. There, in front of him, was Levi. His face was a mask, impassive.

He wanted to pour bleach on his brain, to forget. The pain before was nothing compared to this cruel sight.

_Corporal._

But…

Tears welled in the recruit's eyes. His heart felt like it had been ripped out of his chest, torn to pieces, then stepped on. All that was left was a gaping hole, an empty abyss.

**Why him? Of all people…**

**couldn't there have been another way?**

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Slowly…

Slowly he realized what he had to do.

Shock led him to speak, words jumbled. His voice shook slightly.

"Now's the perfect opportunity.

Do it.

Before I lose control.

Finish the job."

Eyebrows furrowed, daring the elder to execute the order, eyes flashing as they betrayed his firm command.

Instead the elder let out a small noise, lip trembling slightly. It sounded somewhat between a cry and a choked sob. He broke, losing all composure, shoulders shaking violently.

_Do it._

_Please… I beg you._

A flash of metal.

A sharp jab.

Red.

He struggled, fingers grasping the sword. Blood pooled out of him, warm and sticky. He coughed, spraying his front with crimson. He had gone numb, unfeeling, his life slowly leaking out of him. Hands desperately clutched at his body. Dimly Eren registered Levi's crumpled face, eyes screwed shut, water coming out of them in a steady stream.

_Corporal…_

_I hope we meet in another life._

His eyes closed.

Face relaxed.

Heartbeat slowed, until at last,

all that was left of Eren Jager was a cold body, hugged against a silently weeping Corporal.

* * *

_Beep!_

_Beep!_

_Beep!_

Eren gasped, awakening to the alarm's grating voice. He quickly shut it off, rubbed his fingers through his hair, trying to remember what made him feel so was the dream about? All he could remember was red. There was so much blood, staining his hands, his shirt, everything. It ran in rivulets,crimson gushing out. There was no pain, just blood, never ceasing. There was no end to it, not even when he was sure he bled out for three people. No, it just materialized out of nowhere,haunting him, his very own genetic makeup being used against him Eren shook his head, trying to dislodge the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that something wasn't right. He got up, searching for a fresh set of clothes. Grabbing them, he hurriedly put them on before making a dash for the door. It was indescribable, but he had a feeling that if he didn't hurry he'd miss something. Something big.

He hurriedly walked to the train station, so absorbed in his world that he didn't notice he collided into someone.

"S-sorry!" He looked up.

And gasped.

It was any other regular day for Levi. He got up, took his shower for the bajillionth time that week, tched when he saw how dirty his room was. Half an hour later, after cleaning the room top to bottom,( it was already impeccably clean, but not by his standards), he had donned a suit and was making his way to the station, heading towards his office. He was interrupted by a firm body running into him. Levi narrowed his eyes, about to berate the young man when he looked up.

And saw the greenest eyes on earth.

Eren froze, staring blankly ahead at the person in front of him, now wearing the same befuddled expression . Those soft ash eyes...that porcelain skin.. A flood of memories rushed into him, of sweet nights and tender kisses and gentle teasing. Ah. That's right. He remembered. This was the one who… who…

_Corporal.._

Everything around him dissolved, fizzled into nothingness.

Only the person in front of him remained.

"Levi," he breathed.

"Eren."

Warm hands enveloped him in a tight hug.

"After all these years… I finally found you."

Eren's eyes closed, drinking in the fresh flowery scent of the elder. So this was what was important. He had found meaning to his otherwise boring life, the meaning being the other male.

"Eren…" Sniffling. "I thought you were gone, forever."

"It's alright," The younger soothed. "I'm here now."

His eyes widened when he heard a wet noise. Was the corporal….crying?

Sure enough, he was,fresh tears leaking out.

Hands held him tighter. "Eren… but I-I…" he trailed off.

The words were no more than a whisper, but Eren heard them loud and clear.

_"I killed you."_

So that was what it was about...

Eren stroked Levi's hair. It was surprisingly smooth. He had forgotten how it felt under his fingertips.

Emerald eyes bored into Levi, swirling with emotion.

A response, gentle but firm.

"It was for the sake of humanity. I was losing control. I would've killed you, and many other people. You did the best thing."

"Really, Corporal," he added, "It's not so bad. I got to meet you again."

Levi moved in closer. Eren shivered at the proximity. He leaned in, eyes sliding shut as Levi's soft lips brushed against his.

"I love you, Eren.

This time I'll never let you go."

**Ahhh I'm finally done! I think this was the longest fanfic I have written so far. I really need to work on making my chapters longer. Next time I'll try a hit at present tense, see how that goes. Urrgh… writing good fanfics is so hard… otl.**

**Thank you for favoriting my story!**

**Please review!**


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